i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
