no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
