At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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