R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
