3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
