like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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