Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
