God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
