I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
