Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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