Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
