dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
