were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
