My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Found the puke drawer
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
