imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
