gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
