dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
