So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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