Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
