We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
