Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
