Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
