It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
