Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
