I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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