Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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