just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
