So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Someone came in the potted fern
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
