I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
