hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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