i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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