go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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