Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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