I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Can i not drive my cunt home
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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