What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She needs sedatives and a leash
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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