The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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