He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
