id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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