Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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