Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
