i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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