My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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