does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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