I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
