well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize