She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
