the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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