nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
