Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
