I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
