The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize