My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
