I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
