Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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