Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize