Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
