Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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