I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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