I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
accomplished twins. life is a go
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
