Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
