hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
