At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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