I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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