those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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