Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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