There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
