Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
