Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize