I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Two words: blizzard sex
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
